I once read that women have instincts to think circularly due to thousands of years of runnning around like headless chickens (except with heads) taking care of everyone (weaving baskets, shucking corn, scaling cliffs like Ninjas with babies on their hips, etc.). Thanks to the women’s movement, and the fact that I was born into the top 1% of women free of social obligation to any family (friggin’ rocks), I don’t have to take care of anyone but myself (until my biological clock starts to sound an air raid siren). So, when I really have time on my hands, I like to let my day unfold via momentary gushes of inspiration.
It sounds very non-Western and non-linear (i.e., lazy), but I trust my own natural instincts (i.e., accept my “laziness”). Here’s an inner monologue of how my day went:
8:00 AM – I’m awake and reading in bed.
9:00 AM – I’m asleep.
10:00 AM – I’m hungry. Inspired to get up, walk to kitchen, make toast, back in bed, asleep by 10:30.
11:00 AM – I’m reading again
12:00 PM – I’m asleep
1:00 PM – Honest to God, I’m getting up now.
2:00 PM – I’m actually not in bed, but now I’m lying on the floor and staring at the hypnotic motion of the ceiling fan.
2:10 PM – I’m writing in my journal after having several epiphanies (for instance, love is not hatred) of how I was perpetually scapegoated by parents as source of all their misery…new resolve to uphold boundaries with certain family members…
2:20 PM – I’m staring at the rug. It’s been a while since I vaccumed.
2:25 PM – I’m experiencing intense, unstoppable urge to vacuum like a mofo. I worry it’s too early on a Sunday, and then realize that it’s mid-afternoon (but feels like morning for me cuz I’ve only been out of bed for little over an hour).
2:35 PM – Back on floor celebrating first accomplishment of the day.
2:50 PM – I’m spraying Resolve on stains and scrubbing like there’s no tomorrow.
3:10 PM – Amazing jolt of inspiration to tackle writing project that I have been talking about for four years!
3:30 PM – Back on floor celebrating 20 minutes of hard work.
3:50 PM – Powerful surge of inspiration to put on green crazy face mask from Sav-On.
4:00 PM – First actual conversation of the day. Plans to meet friend for de-caf.
4:30 PM – Writing in journal about feelings of isolation and loneliness due to my disconnection from certain family (as well as from spending day alone).
5:00 PM – Giant well of inspiration to sweep and mop kitchen!
6:00 PM – Writing in journal about feelings of freedom and peace due to disconnection from certain family members.
6:15 PM – Cleaning kitchen!
6:30 PM – Writing!
6:45 PM – Cleaning kitchen!
7:00 PM – Coffee (at last!)! Conversation with real human being!
8:30 PM – Serious phone call with boyfriend about “issues.”
9:00 PM – Issues resolved. Watching Olympics with boyfriend. Feeling inspired by 100 meter Men’s race.
9:30 PM – Cleaning kitchen!
10:00 PM – Snuggling!
10:30 PM – Cleaning dusty TV (mess up picture)!
11:30 PM – Sleeping while boyfriend watches movie about giant ants.
Just for today, I can trust my circular thinking.