Tell Us About Yourself…

Dear OKCupid Fellas,

First off…you OK?  (Sorry, had to get that out of the way).  Secondly, let’s get something straight.  You have some good qualities.  We all do.  However, we all know that nobody is “kind,” “reliable,” “adventurous,” or “loving,” all of the time. Most of us want our Trader Joe’s free sample of brie on a cracker NOW!  Nor do any of us spend a lot of time riding in limo’s or sitting  in infiniti pools or on top of the Inca trail.  At least I don’t.   SO LET’S GET REAL.  I’LL GO FIRST.

Picture #1: I’m lying on my bed with my laptop and dressed in my Forever 21 cut off shorts with some muffin top action around my thighs. I definitely have a crease down my forehead from so much focused concentration on the contents of my Twitter news feed. I may or may not have guacamole stains on my t-shirt.

Picture #2: I just woke up.  I’m wearing the bottoms of my Christmas Light pajamas that my mom gave me ten years ago and my “I UNDERSTAND THE MUPPETS ON A MUCH DEEPER LEVEL THAN YOU” t-shirt.  I didn’t take my make-up off so there’s some Goth-action happening with my eyes. And I’m desperately confused.

SO TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF!

• When I’m angry at you, and I will be, you will have no idea why.  Truth is, I won’t either.  If we break up, a year later I’ll figure it out in therapy.

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• Sometimes I’m positive and upbeat, but a lot of the time I’m cranky.  Especially, in the AM.  This is worse when I don’t drink coffee.  I’ve recently decided to quit caffeine so I should be a lot of fun in the future.

• I don’t love to travel.  I love being at a location where the water is the color of a pool and sipping a drink with a little umbrella and piece of fruit.  I don’t love getting there or getting home.

• I live by the beach and if I feel one granule of sand under my foot, I will bust out the broom and dust pan. (At any hour of day or night).

• You can tell me that I’ll never marry or have kids and I might be kind of bummed. But if you tell me Hilary Clinton would have made a bad president, I will lose my shit on you.

• I like to read spiritual books and then spend a quiet moment thinking to myself, “I don’t get any of this at all.”

AM I HOT OR WHAT?!

Yours Truly,

JaniceMuppet

Just for today, I can write a “real” OKCupid profile.