Some Advice For Guys On OKCupid…

Whatever I re-wrote on my OKCupid profile must translate to “Contact me if you’re unemployed and ‘really want to direct.'”

First of all, never tell a woman that you’re unemployed. The correct term is “contractor.”

Secondly, barring that you’re Ben Affleck never tell a woman that you “want to direct” until you’ve been married for five years.  And even then I would advise prefacing it with, “Honey, we need to have a talk.”  The wife will be so relieved that you didn’t sleep with someone else that she’ll forget to be turned off.

“I really want to direct” is sort of like saying, “I want to be King of the World,” or “I want to control people and things like I did with my Legos and action figures when I was 8.” Given the chance, we all would love to create new worlds and make things turn out the way we want them to.  So, to clarify, WE ALL WANT TO DIRECT.

Some of the fellows on OKCupid seem depressed and like they may have deeper issues.  I know, I saw Silver Lining Playbook, so I understand that bi-polar men with violent tendencies who live with their parents CAN make romantic and loving boyfriends, if they take their medication. [Sarcasm].  But still…I think having a job and a solid therapist might be important things to have in place BEFORE attempting to love someone (i.e., sharing bodily fluids).

Yes, you guessed it, I’m done with online dating.  GOODBYE TO THE BEST SOURCE OF COMEDY MATERIAL IN MY LIFE.  What was the final straw?  The following question:

“What’s your sign?”

I “deactivated” my OKCupid profile while talking to this fellow.  [And he noticed.] I might have kept it up if when I returned his call – five minutes after he called me –  he hadn’t asked, “Who’s this?”

Just for today, I’m stepping up my dating game in the RL (Real World).



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