But Is She HAWT?!

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Helen, you need to get to the gym.

I wrote a play called “Changes In The Mating Strategies Of White People” (opening January 17th at The Lounge Theatre…tickets available in December…please come). The play features a strong female lead, a complicated, independent woman who asks the questions facing women in our culture. But there is one question, many who have read the play want to know about this character and that is…

…IS SHE HOT?

Why is this a question?  Why do I have to deal with this? Why is this not asked about characters of great literature?  Nobody ever asks that question about male characters.

“So, is this Hamlet guy a hottie?”

“Is Lady Macbeth a MILF?”

“IS IT A SEXY BEOWULF?”

Was Helen of Troy hot? I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE IF WE SAW HER NOW WE’D BE LIKE, UH, HER FACE ISN’T REALLY SYMMETRICAL, HER LIPS ARE TOO THIN, AND I THINK I SEE SOME CELLULITE ON HER HIPS, SO EVERYONE KEEP YOUR SHIPS AT BAY.

Just for today, I’m so annoyed.

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