Not A Samantha Jones Type

Sorry, but I wasn’t written by a gay man.

I am single. I tell you this because as a woman in her 40s (…what?! She’s in her 40s?! She looks GREAT…) I am legally required to per The Relationship Status Transparency Act of 1988 (inspired by the Nora Ephron film “Sleepless in Seattle).

I normally don’t date younger men because I can’t sleep on just a mattress on the floor. Also, I am not fond of a characterization of myself as a Samantha Jones-like woman from “Sex and the City.” I don’t want to have to explain to anyone that I wasn’t written by a gay man.

However, when a Millennial asked me out, two friends suggested I stay “open.”  I explained to them that I could have birthed him.  (I would have been a teen mother, but a mother nonetheless.)  But my friend Maria told me that you never know who will show up to love you and love doesn’t always look like the “package” you imagine.  I could see that I am rife with prejudice and so decided do my best to be “open” (aka, ridiculous) to the Millennial.  I realize that “Millennial” is practically a slur, so let’s call him Larry (because no one born after 1980 has been named Larry).

So I gave Larry my number and he texted me really nice things, like emoji hearts and “ur vry atrctive.”  No harm done. In fact, it was very nice to receive this. I tried to explain to Larry that I didn’t want to be a Samantha Jones type from “Sex and the City.” His response: “What’s ‘Sex and the City’?”

I saw pictures of Larry’s mom on Facebook and wondered if she would have been a senior when I was a freshman. She seemed like someone I could go to Prince Tribute concerts with or like she might be into “Dirty Dancing,” the musical.  Maybe Larry’s mom and I could be palz.

The problem was Larry was never available. Each time we made plans his band would get a gig. One night we made plans and he cancelled. He later told me that his band had a disagreement and were officially no longer a band. And that’s when I realized another reason why I can’t date men in their twenties: when their bands break-up they are incapacitated and can’t show up to dates.

Larry is not my guy, but I am still remaining “open.”

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