“12 Days of Christmas” For Single and/or Casually Dating People

Just a reminder to myself to buy this album for my sister next year.

It’s tough to be single during the holidays. All the family, connection, and songs about “true love.” “True love” has not worked out for a lot of people. People like Romeo & Juliet, and Chris Brown & Rihanna.  I think at this point a lot of people would settle for “moderate concern”  Also, how is a “true love” going to buy you so much crap like a partridge from the Marshall’s clearance table? Everyone knows a real “true love” would leave catalogs lying around and then casually ask if you’d like a Pendleton shirt or some new wearable technology.  If they changed the song lyrics to focus on what “My Moderately Concerned Love” sent to me, it would make more sense. In the name of creating more holiday songs for single people, I came up with the following:

The Twelve Days of Christmas (for Single and/or Casually Dating People)

On the first day of Christmas my Moderately Concerned Love sent to me: one ambiguous text to analyze.

On the second day of Christmas my Moderately Concerned Love sent to me: two viral videos of animals who became “best friends,” and one ambiguous text to analyze.

On the third day of Christmas my Moderately Concerned Love sent to me: three Facebook likes, two viral videos of animals who became “best friends” and one ambiguous text to analyze.

On the fourth day of Christmas my Moderately Concerned Love sent to me: nothing really, but I did stalk his Facebook photos from 2011 and found four photos of he and his ex-girlfriend, three Facebook likes, two viral videos of animals who became “best friends” and one ambiguous text to analyze.

On the fifth day of Christmas my Moderately Concerned Love sent to me: nothing again, but I did waste the time of five people asking them what they thought of his ambiguous text, four found photos of he and his ex-girlfriend from 2011, three Facebook likes, two viral videos of animals who became “best friends” and one ambiguous text to analyze.

On the sixth day of Christmas my Moderately Concerned Love sent to me: nothing again, but I watched six Instagram stories about his parents’ dog, the time I wasted of five people asking them what they thought of his ambiguous text, four found photos of he and his ex-girlfriend from 2011, three Facebook likes, two viral videos of animals who became “best friends” and one ambiguous text to analyze.

On the seventh day of Christmas my Moderately Concerned Love sent to me: seven hours between the text I sent him and his reply, six Instagram stories about his parents’ dog, the time I wasted of five people asking them what they thought of his ambiguous text, four found photos of he and his ex-girlfriend from 2011, three Facebook likes, two viral videos of animals who became “best friends” and one ambiguous text to analyze.

On the eighth through twelfth day of Christmas my Moderately Concerned Love sent to me: eight weeks of ghosting followed by a half-buzzed hostile “u there?” sent mistakenly on my birthday and immediately regretted, seven hours between the text I sent him and his reply, six Instagram stories about his parents’ dog, the time I wasted of five people asking them what they thought of his ambiguous text, four found photos of he and his ex-girlfriend from 2011, three Facebook likes, two viral videos of animals who became “best friends” and one ambiguous text to analyze.

No need for days 9-12. 

Happy Holidays!

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