Comic, Playwright, Non-Essential Artist

Uncategorized

My Rent Controlled Apartment (aka, One Reason Why I’m Still Single)

The following is an excerpt from my book “Still Single” schedule to come out on Amazon in 2019. 

I have a theory about why I am still single.  It’s my apartment.  I have had three or four (depending on how far back we go) serious relationships, Real Boyfriends, try to lure me out.  Get me to take the next step with them: share a cable bill. Or a Hulu account, depending on which decade.  I loved them to varying degrees, but I could never bring myself give up the spine in the otherwise un-tethered life: The Rent Controlled Apartment. Jobs and boyfriends come and go with the season, but a rent-controlled apartment has proven the last place in American society where a lack of commitment combined with outdated rental laws can flower into true, if not accidental, stability.

From a purely deductive point of view, boyfriend or no, I would need a head-transplant to give up a $919 a month single with hardwood floors, high ceilings and mere feet from the beach. I can hear the ocean waves at night. I am a two-minute foot-burning walk from immersing myself in the increasingly globally-warmed waters. I have also never had a person enter my apartment and not make me swear to never let it go.
Accelerated generic levitra telomere shortening in response to life stress. More to You: Erectile dysfunction is very much common in viagra online in india man. Which One is better for Treating Erectile dysfunction. free cheap viagra recorded USD 1 billion sales in the period 1999-2001 and accounted for 92% of all prescribed pills for impotency in 2000. levitra: Beginnings Sildenafil was initially studied to find solutions to angina and some heart diseases. The user just needs to chew it up just like any other candy and have better nights with partner.Kamagra Polo check it out order cheap viagra improves sex life: For a person, who is dissatisfied with sexual performance in the bedroom.
The only drawback remains the interminable retro vibe of Marina Del Rey, also known as Land of the Lost White Middle Aged Divorced Man. Since I was in an emotional coma in my twenties, I had no idea what an Old White Dude community I had moved into until one morning I walked to the local coffee shop, The Cow’s End, and noticed all these grey haired surfer guys drinking coffee and talking about their investments.  Marina Del Rey, a wonder of high-rises, boats, and the Cheesecake factory, seems like the polar opposite from my hometown of Berkeley, California, where I was born. However, I can attest that cultural disconnect is a small price to pay for a beach side residence.

I did not always appreciate it. For a time, I felt that the forces of the universe had flung me into my apartment like a wet noodle thrown at a wall. Like uncooked pasta, I stuck out of sheer lack of preparedness to do anything else. However, the longer I have lived here and the more the housing crisis drives people to places like Cathedral City or Florida, the more I wondered if the forces of good simply wanted me to stay in Los Angeles where I would have good neighbors and the restorative powers of the ocean. A rent controlled apartment is a gift, or it can also keep a person, from doing certain things in my life. Like leave. Or get married. If I had been forced to live in a market rate apartment on Olympic and Bundy, I might have a family. I would surely have an ex-husband. But my apartment, too small for two people, but perfect sized for me, has created a weight that my loneliness or fear or societal pressure could not compete against. My last boyfriend sighed in resignation towards the end of our relationship: “You’ll never move out of that apartment.