Plague, Fires, Earthquake, Dictator…

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This year. What. Is. It. With. 2020. *ginormous question mark*

I consider myself a person who can tolerate a lot stress and discomfort. But like many Americans and people of the world, I now feel like I am one loud construction project from losing my mind. Note: There is a loud construction project directly across from me.

Two weeks ago, on September 4th, I drove to Tahoe from LA with only a vague intuitive sense that maybe my timing was off. I like to say “I had a feeling,” but really paranoid fears are part of my every day life so I always “have a feeling.” I had no conscious awareness that California would soon be blanketed in a cloud of smoke. I took Route 395 through the back of the Sierras, a trip I have taken four times but which I mostly remember as the Crying Road Trip because in 2017 I cried the entire drive in between angry emails to my then ex-boyfriend. A lot can happen in three years and while he is ancient history, there is still a lot to cry about.

This trip held no tears, but also no blue skies. I spent time with my aunt and hiked amidst smokey peaks for the Labor Day weekend. I figured I’d have better air in the Bay Area until I drove through 110 degree temperatures in Vacaville East on 80. I arrived to El Cerrito to a slightly less record breaking heat wave with hopes that the smoke would clear in a day or two. I read about evacuations, house burnings and death and realized that Fire Season might just be the new Fall.

On Wednesday, September 9th I woke up at 7:00 am to what looked like midnight and a day that evolved into a futuristic nuclear winter. I thought about all the self-pity and sadness I went through in the Spring while I spent my days hiking through CRYSTAL CLEAR VIEWS of the sky and the sun. At the time I mourned the loss of my old life, dancing, seeing friends, going to restaurants. But such is the fate of humans that we DON’T APPRECIATE THE BASIC SHIT like the sky. I can not take for granted my health, family, basic human interaction. Even the natural beauty around me could disappear from the detritus of a gender reveal party.

I drove back to Los Angeles on September 14th and took the 101, hoping to see something of the sky. I drove through Salinas and witnessed all the migrant farm workers on the field, covered in long sleeves and pants to avoid contact with toxic air or pesticides. I drove through thick gray air and looked out onto a gray ocean. I arrived to a gray Los Angeles and I went for a walk in the toxic air because I am defiant when it comes to spending time outdoors.

By Friday the air had cleared and I felt like I could bike and swim without feeling like I had smoked a Marlboro light. I felt anxious, though. And that was before I found out that Ruth Bader Giinsburg had passed and that a conservative Supreme Court bent on turning over Roe v. Wade is a very real possibility.

After work a friend and I decided to go on a hike in the evening. We saw TWO rattle snakes, a mouse and a tarantula. Before 2020 I had never seen a rattle snake or a tarantula. But if 2020 is about anything it’s about movie concepts coming to life. I arrived home at 9:30 and went to bed. I got up around at 11:30 to get some water and felt the building roll for a good thirty seconds. At which point, I realized that natural disaster are not parsed out evenly. Things can get worse.

Stay safe, folks.