10 Things To Do To Keep From Thinking About How Damn Hot It Is!

So, it’s a little warm out… And, no, I don’t have air conditioning (pause as I respond to look of pity). It’s OK! They didn’t build them into apartment units in 1924. It’s not so bad, just another opportunity to get creative and come up with “10 Things To Do To Keep From Thinking About How Damn Hot It Is!”

1) Sleep with all doors and windows open (for those of you who have air conditioning…just try it and save some energy for Godsakes!). If someone happens to break in, or your creepy neighbor waltzes in under the pretense that he’s looking to borrow some measuring tape to start on his new kitchen shelving project (total lie), invite him in to experience the sauna-like air of your apartment. He won’t stay long, trust me.

2) Jump in the ocean (but try to not get ocean water in your mouth…it won’t taste good, and you might start thinking about what type of water constitutes the “ocean” in your beach community).

3) Stick head in freezer. Call a good friend, make yourself some ice tea and just spend some quality time studying the innards of this treasure trove. Who knows what you might find? An old tamale, Trader Joe’s pizza from 2002, or a rock solid frozen chicken thigh…you may even get inspired to make a soup.

4) Don’t cook! Make your chicken soup in the Fall.

5) Go see Pirates of the Carribean in a refrigerated movie theater (bring a sweater). Nervous disorders, one among the generico viagra on line deeprootsmag.org main causes of reproductive disorders. As long as the orchitis can be cured buy sildenafil uk if help is sought. These http://deeprootsmag.org/2019/05/17/timeless-topics-home-and-spring/ viagra overnight delivery particular drugs are known for enhancing the flow of blood into the penile. When blood pressure is controlled, blood cheap levitra deeprootsmag.org flow to the penis is improved and it becomes easier to get and maintain an erection. Enjoy this extremely entertaining adventure and try to not get grossed out by that octopus thing at the end that looks like a giant vagina. If you don’t believe me, go see the movie again while holding up a Georgia O’Keefe painting.

6) Watch the lightning storms and ponder global warming and the inevitable self-destruction of our civilization as we know it until you are in such a deep depression that your blood pressure slows down, thereby making you cooler. Watch Al Gore movie for bonus refrigerated theater effect (don’t forget sweater).

7) Yell at downstairs neighbor for smoking you out of your apartment with their barbecue in the middle of a heat wave. (This may not make you cooler, but you will feel a lot better).

8) Buy a $.99 ice cream cone at Rite-Aid. Best deal in town.

9) Go somewhere and sweat (bikram yoga, salsa dancing, etc). This works more as reverse psychology. Rather than schlep around in a sauna-like apartment, go do the most sweat-producing activity imaginable until you’re soaked to the degree that you were in the middle of the JV hoops game you played in 10th grade where everyone fouled out until it was you and three other midget sophomores left to endure a humiliating defeat to Amazon girls from Marine….once you lose all your bodily fluids and succumb to exhaustion, you won’t think about the heat so much anymore…

10) Stare at the ceiling fan in a coma-like trance and be grateful that you don’t live in the Valley.

Just for today, I can stay cool in the middle of a heat wave.