Comic, Playwright, Non-Essential Artist

Holidays

Happy @&#*ing Valentine’s Day!

I remember when I was in elementary school and would buy those packs of Valentine’s Day cards. Even then, I knew better than to pick the ones with the big goofy Holly Hobby or Strawberry Shortcake or whatever asinine character that was all the rage in the world of ten-year-olds. I tried to find something tasteful, like, your standard generic card covered in hearts. I was such a saintly child that I made sure to hand write a card for each kid in my class and, because of the public school system, I sometimes had to buy TWO packs to make the 31 or 32 kid quota. And then I was up all night personalizing my card with a hand-written “Happy Valentine’s Day!” And then maybe I would risk a token “Your Friend” for whoever was the object of my affections (I’ve been boy crazy since the first grade). I’d go to school the next day and exchange all my valentines and come home with 32 tacky cards with my name scrawled on. What a thrill! Those were the glory days of Valentine’s Day. 31 to 32 freakin’ Valentines…who cared if they were of Winnie the Pooh? In my youthful exuberance, little did I realize that it would be down hill from there.

Just for today, I can celebrate Valentine’s Day.