Someday, I’ll Look Back On This Time And Think, “That Was A Fucked Up Time!”

I had a hard time making it out of bed this morning. Actually, I didn’t make it out of bed in the morning, but I can blame that on daylight savings time. What is a beautiful day by the beach when you can curl up in the fetal position under a 500 thread count? (Ok, it’s not really that high…but they are nice sheets).

Depression.

I opened the fridge a bunch of times, but in addition to not wanting to drink beer or eat anymore frozen pancakes, decided it was in my best interest to just feel depressed.

I’ve come to see depression as that ass-kicking friend, like Robbie Benson in “Ice Castles” (could I possibly find an older reference?…how about Beowolf?). Ok, let’s say, like, Anna Kendrick’s character in “Up In The Air” (the only movie-going experience I’ve enjoyed since “The Titanic”).

It’s when I try to run from depression that I find myself having finished a whole box of chocolate mochi balls from Trader Joe’s (da bomb) in one sitting and spending $400 on a Target shopping trip for paper towels and advil. No, accepting and embracing the edge of emotional turbulence, that’s what keeps me from putting back on the 20 lbs. and dating a man who thinks that being with a woman with large boobs is “really taking care of himself.”

Actually, feeling really depressed has been the pre-party to some of the biggest moments, and almost big moments in my life. When I look back at my most depressed times, I can see that they came because I was…almost…there. Almost where? The Next Level. That place that’s five steps ahead of the masses. Continue it cialis without rx for 3 to 4 months to get expected results. Tofu has been linked to lower testosterone levels. generic cheap cialis Diabetes: This condition is estimated that 35% to 75% of men in the age group of 60 to 80 years are unable to either get the erection or hold the erection for the sufficient amount of time Sildigra 50mg takes to work varies from person to person, but it normally takes between half an hour and one hour. cheapest levitra unica-web.com This is completely wrong as a levitra in india person should never feel embarrassed about talking about the body mass, it is a critical problem and put male sexual health on greater risks. It’s where artists want to live, if they can find the courage to walk into the space ship like Richard Dreyfuss (more ancient references…have I seen a movie made in the last ten years?). It’s really lonely. But you’re either a lonely wolf or a bored sheep, and if you take enough Zoloft you can convince yourself that you enjoy the herd and taste of grass. But if you’re a wolf, you pay for your integrity with fear and loneliness (Just don’t be a sheep in wolf’s clothing).

Because I was young and didn’t know any better, I had moments in the past in which I actually took that extra step and went out into the abyss because I had nothing to lose and didn’t know the comfortable bliss of mediocrity. And, for like a milisecond I was in new territory. But then I would get scared and retreat from The Magic Of Being Myself, and find a herd to graze with. Some might say that it helps to be crazy or drunk, but those are passing states that usually alienate people. It’s best to just try to get to the waterfall stone cold sober, because then you have a greater chance of remembering the path you took.

So, today, I tried to see depression as a push to get me to The Next Level. Although, sometimes, there’s no turning back, anyway. It’s either the old boyfriend who you’re totally over, or the unknown.

Just for today, I will embrace feeling depressed.