Dunking My Cell Phone In A Vat Of Disinfectant Bleach

A few weeks ago I was peforming stand up at the Unurban when a cute guy showed up mid-way through my show.

“That guy is so hot! You gotta make your move!” said Gay Comic Friend.

I chickened out.  Of course. But he showed up the next week.

“Now you really have to make your move!” said Gay Comic Friend.

So, I did. I discovered that “My Moves” consist of me walking with an outstretched hand the way I might greet a potential employer in a job interview.  We chatted about hiking and biking. He seemed nice enough: bathed, well-mannered, and employed.  I gave him my phone number.

Let’s back up now for a second…my friend produces this show in which she expresses her unique raunch style-comedy.  I love lewd talk…from women comics.  When men are raunchy I usually hit the inner-mute button that I have developed from going out to “open mics” filled with men telling abortion, “fat chick,” and porn jokes.  After the first offense, I am capable of sitting there and not actually hearing a single word of the rest of the comic’s set. This skill is usually accompanied by a passive aggressive focus on my phone or notebook.   Probably be better to take it to the streets but this is the best I can do.

However, when women are raunchy and gross,I usually laugh and cheer them on because they are not just making a joke but challenging the establishment, asserting their sexuality, and owning their power.  This Female Comic’s set included the discussion of her relationship with a man who once hit on her with the unparalleled come-on line of, “I just want to taste it.”  Her impersonation of his raspy voice is so funny that I have shared it with many friends.

Just so you know Cute Guy had heard this entire bit.

A few days later, I receive a text from him.

The most Discover More levitra side effects dominant factors are age, physical health and psychological health. Strong viagra uk purchase and energized nerves permanently stop ejaculation while sleeping. The two chambers of penis (corpora cavernosa,) which run throughout the organ are filled viagra france with spongy tissue. For men who hesitate while going cialis prices in india for ED treatment can seek for some medical help from internet. “How is your week going?”

Very appropriate, normal…right?  We exchange a few texts until I receive the following:

“Has anyone asked you this week if they wanted to taste it? Haha…”

[Pause for dramatic effect.]

[Another pause for, yet, more dramatic effect.]

At this point, I couldn’t see much because everything had been covered by a giant red flag.   Perhaps if we had been dating, I don’t know, six months, I would have laughed.  But pre-date #1?  Some friends have suggested that he was making a joke based on another joke that I had found funny…fine. The joke tanked.

I did what I usually do when something bothers me and ignored him.  I haven’t seen or heard from him.  Is it me…? Or are guys losing all sense of appropriate conduct?

I do have nice male friends. I don’t think they text anyone questions about cunnilingus (at least not that they discuss with me, anyway).

Just for today, I am afraid of meeting men.