Kids? Why, Yes, I Have Heard Of Them
I don’t have kids. I always say, “I forgot.” How can you forget to have kids? The same way you forget to buy Wasabi mayo at Trader Joe’s. You forgot because you didn’t want it that bad. You can still make a tuna sandwich with regular mayo (or with mustard). Children, unlike condiments, should not be a “nice to have” but the product of visionary desire. Maybe that vision is to have someone else to till the soil, or take care of you when you’re old, or just love. But it’s only through the grace of reproductive rights that women can have children out of desire, rather than because of these parts that we have. Rights, which —I can’t even believe I am writing this —could be stripped away.
Like Wasabi mayo, there’s a time stamp on my ovaries. Or so they say. My mom once sent me an article about a a 72 year old woman gave birth. If that’s the case, what’s the rush?
For most of my adult life, it honestly did not occur to me to have kids. When people discussed pregnancy or birthing or keeping little people alive, my thought was always, “Kids?…hmmm, that’s the thing where something comes out of you and then you put it through college…I’ve heard of it.” I never had a vision for a family. Without that, being a mom just seems like something for which I would have to drink A LOT rosé .
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I think it’s sexist to ask women why they don’t want to have children. Nobody asks me why I don’t want to go camping? I don’t like bugs. Besides I think the reason why anybody passes on having children is fairly obvious. Doing whatever you want, whenever you want never gets old.
In “RBG,” the documentary about Ruth Bader Ginsburg, she frames reproductive rights around “dignity.” A woman has the right to live a life of her choosing. (You can listen to more discussion of the film on the most recent podcast of “Take Down the Patriarchy.”) on Not to mention, pregnancy is hard, and can result in health issues or even death. The US has the highest maternal mortality rate in the developed world. If men had to risk their lives to make a baby, we would be able to get abortions at the car wash vending machine.
The only important questions is “Why you do want children?” Because it’s the one decision you an absolutely not go back on. That and plastic surgery. You can sort of want a house. You can sort of want new clogs. You can sort of want everything in the world, but you have to know that your wanting is beyond the pale if you choose to bring a child into this godforsaken world.
