Clown School

It’s so hard to write anything funny these days. I could vent. But who wants to hear more outrage? I’ll save it for my congressman.

A few months ago I decided I needed to jumpstart my life with Something Interesting that wasn’t salsa or standup comedy. After a lot of expansive thinking my choices came down to two options: clown class or speed dating. I figured one choice would force me to make eye contact. The other would result in the acquaintance of a lot rando guys. So, it was decided: clown class. Is dating hard in LA? Let the facts speak for themselves.

Actually “Clowning” is a very respected and difficult art form studied by some of my comedy heroes like Sacha Baron Cohen. And maybe I would meet someone cool in the class. Then if someone asked me, “Who is this clown your dating?” I’d just say “This clown is named Sebastian.” I would rather meet an intentional clown, actively studying the art form than one who has no idea he is a clown.

Let me first say that I loved the workshop. I don’t know what happened exactly. But the day ended in my personal discovery of two things: I have developed my plantar fasciitis in my right foot. (The first step in recovery is learning to pronounce it). The second discovery was much more profound: I don’t know how to share my soul. (Note: blogging is not really sharing your soul).

The two states related, to my knowledge. But both plantar fasciitis and soul reticence was on it’s way well before the clowns stepped in. I have been running for weeks of running and dancing in bare feet. Anyway, if dancing salsa has taught me anything it’s that a three inch heel is better for my foot than dancing barefoot in a hall.

The class started with a lot of normal theater exercises: mirroring, eye contact, and your basic embarrassing clown fare. (She literally told us to do something that embarrassed us). It was all very normal weird for anyone who spent her formative years in a theater classes. But then she asked us to partner up with the intent to express our soul to that person. This would have sent me out the door but she also played great music, which raises the bar of mortification. My partner went first. She was obviously an experienced clown who made all kinds of faces and movements that indicated that she knew what she was doing. Her soul was poppin’. Then came my turn. I had no idea what to do. But I do like to dance. So I danced and tried to hold eye contact. Seems pretty basic, but this was huge growth.

Then came the hard part. Towards the end of the class the teacher asked seven people to stand in front of the class and share their soul to the whole class! We had to just stand there and do noting but put our soul out there for everyone to see. I mean, It’s one thing to see a person’s soul one one on, but in a large room full of people? I did not want to do this. But there was only 20 minutes left in the class and if I bailed it would be marked as failure in anyone’s book.

I watched the first group go up. They just stood there and made eye contact with those of us sitting and, lo and behold, I could actually see some souls!

I went up with the last group (aka, the cowards). I knew there was no way I could do this thing…whatever it was. (I still was not sure.) But I tried to cheer myself on. Hey, I have performed standup comedy and musical improv. I have sang spontaneously. I have told jokes in front of people. Surely, I could stand and do nothing.

I stood up there with six other would be clowns. If we felt our souls weren’t coming we were supposed to turn away from the audience. Which I really should have done the whole time. But I didn’t want to be called out. So I turned, though, I knew I wasn’t ready. And then I actively hid my soul. I willed everyone to look at everyone else. I could tell that some of the others were rockin’ their souls for sure. I failed in the most accepting way.

However, at the end of the class a guy came up to me and said “I liked what you were doing,” which I took it as him saying he liked my soul. Sounds like a pick up line…? Still not sure what the difference is between speed dating and clown class.