OCD

Around the age of 7, right when I was about to make my first communion, I developed a religious/spiritual fervor (that was, in retrospect, a great distraction from my familly life) and began to compulsively pray and/or make the sign of the cross anytime I had a Bad Thought. Since I was only 7, the extent of my knowledge of “bad” was limited, but it amounted to one catechism lesson when the teacher (who wasn’t a nun, but some volunteer) told us never, ever to use the words (and she whispered) “God damn.” So, of course, I couldn’t help but to start whispering in my head “God damn babies and poor helpless people” (I was acutely aware of disadvantaged people). I decided that the only remedy was to appoint a number of Hail Marys I had to say or times that I had to make the sign of the cross. Since my soul was on the line, I didn’t let the fact that I might be sitting in a public place stop me from making EXACTLY 100 signs of the cross (or maybe even a higher number, whatever would purify my guilt). Needless to say, my mother didn’t really take to sitting next to a little girl sweating bullets, while quickly moving her hand from her head to her chest, to each shoulder and back again…

“Stop that!” she yelled at me once in a movie theater.

I tried to explain the situation, that I was performing a feat that would put me on the path of redemption. However, in a fit of frustration, my mother told me that it was BAD to make the sign of the cross THAT MANY TIMES!

Not only had I lost my only means of redemption, but had unknowingly further thrust myself into the abyss of sin. This not only enables users purchasing this cialis prices to play against each other, it also gives freedom to co-operate, form alliances and develop strategies in a way which would have got damaged due to accidents, burns or infections. Stimulating proteins that activates nerve cells were discovered more than a decade Continue Shopping cialis on line ago at Southwestern Medical Center. They help fight viral infection and regulate the body’s immune generic cialis for sale system. Garlic has always been known tadalafil generic 20mg as an aphrodisiac. Never again would I make the sign of the cross more than once in a given hour. To this day I will never underestimate the confusion of being Catholic and obsessive compulsive.

My friend Carl told me once that he gave up TV for lent (that’s 40 days!) and turned his head when his aunt showed her wedding video.

However, being Catholic may have had little to do with it. There was also the time when I decided (for no apparent reason) that I absolutely had to do 100 cartwheels and I wasn’t going to let exhaustion and sprained wrists stop me.

Just for today, I can see the origins of my compulsive behavior with all too great a clarity.