But I Have To Work In the Morning…

My therapist thinks that one of the reasons why I get depressed is that I’m unable to “tolerate” (her big word) excitement. Basically, I fear happiness (so lame). Somewhere in my psyche, I believe that too much fun is dangerous, and that I’m morally obligated to live as if I were an impoverished invalid (the stupidest neuroses ever…).

Last night I was out at one of my favorite salsa clubs having a ridiculously fun time. I say “ridiculous,” because unlike anything I’ve ever pursued with such fervor, there’s no long-range goal with salsa. It’s an end in itself, an experience that defies planning, logic, or explanation (so very not me). So, I was having a wonderful time when the thought came into my head, “time to go home.” It seemed a rational thought because it was 11:00 pm on a schoolnight, but I was also having an unusually good time…and you only live once (well, maybe not…but I can’t wait to come back as someone with a cooler life).

So, I said good-bye to my dance partner, grabbed my coat and was almost out the door when Smokin’ Salsa Stud asked me to dance. What?! Me?! My Inner-Junior High Child came out and glowed. Salsa is all about the business of finding a better dance partner than yourself. This was like winning the lottery. I managed to dance without offending him with sloppy footwork. When someone has impotence, it does not allows the blood to reach properly to the penis of the man and when the flow of blood into the penile region. cialis best buy Benefits for men: Diminish danger of impotency: pomegranate juice boosts the level of testosterone cheapest viagra prices in men, which assist to increase libido and sex desire. Other factors: Such as fallopian tube endometriosis, abdominal surgery, viagra sildenafil buy appendicitis operation, take put coil, tuberculosis, etc., all can cause tubal secondary infection, fallopian tube wall congestion, edema, adhesion and congestion. The use of buy cheap cialis click here to find out more generic medicine is permitted by all the government in the world has approved the medicine as safe usable medicine. Afterward, he asked me why I was leaving so early (in Salsa culture 11:00 pm is like two in the afternoon). When I told him that I had to “work in the morning,” he looked at me like I was crazy. Work, a good night’s sleep…these are not reasons to not dance salsa. Missing a limb, maybe. But even then you can always move your hips. Without meaning to, I had let him in on my grandma-ish ways.

As I was driving home I wondered if I had left because it was late and I was tired, or if dancing with Smokin’ Salsa Stud is really is too much for me to handle. And what does that say about the rest of my life? If I have trouble embracing the love and passion I feel for salsa, how will I ever accept other kinds of love…? It’s not about staying way past my bedtime, but the timing of how I show up for my life. I have to stay on the beat, and not just in salsa.

I didn’t fall asleep till after 1:00, anyway.

Just for today, I can handle a joyful life.