Category Archives: Family

Crockpots & Paisley Suits

For my 14th birthday, my grandmother bought me a paisley suit from Contempo Casuals.  She loved clothes and Contempo was her store.  She wore leopard print tops (and nightgowns and bathrobes) and three inch heels (as slippers), well into her … Continue reading

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Birthday Piñatas

I doubt that many moms today would look kindly upon the practice of allowing a blindfolded kid to swing a bat or other stick-like object with total destruction in mind.   Not to mention, the blindfolded kid first gets spun around … Continue reading

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A Funeral

“Do you want to be cremated or buried?” asked my aunt Nina during breakfast. “I don’t know. I really haven’t thought about it…” “Lying alone in that coffin just seems so lonely to me.” “I don’t mind it. But please, … Continue reading

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Me And My Mom And A Green Datsun

This weekend my mom told me that it’s “time” for me to settle down with “a short bald rich guy.”  What if he’s 5’10”?  That’s fine, but he MUST be rich.  In all fairness, she only wants happiness and security … Continue reading

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A Bag Of Crap

“Here’s a bag of crap,” I said to the Super Cute Guy At Good Will. “One person’s crap is another person’s treasure,” he replied “No, I think one person’s crap is another person’s crap, momentarily disguised as treasure.” My father … Continue reading

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Whoops, I Forgot To Have Kids! Oh Well…

So far my mom has been pretty chill about the whole No-Grandchildren-Or-Possibility-Of-It-Happening-Anytime-Soon situation.  However, there’s no telling what will happen Christmas morning. I could very well open a box full of toys and a maternity outfit…BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW. “Well, … Continue reading

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The Cracks In My Ceiling Have Been Repaired

My latest gig is at a company run predominately by Latino people.   I’m half-Mexican American, speak Spanish fluently, and in several ways have always felt like a person of color in a White Woman’s body.  A reverse Oreo. I’ve … Continue reading

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Oh, Father…

This past weekend I embarked on the never-boring experiment of spending time with my father. We ate Greek food at a nice restaurant at which I avoided the subject of his younger-than-me girlfriend (as an exercise in restraint, I’ll just … Continue reading

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Lost In Translation (With No Language Barrier)

I had a really great time at my brother’s commissioning ceremony. I felt so important pinning the [insert official word here]. I want to say “bars” but I could be wrong. Either way, I’m proud. It was a great time … Continue reading

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Wanted: Baby Daddy For The Long Haul

Are you wanting children but afraid that if you wait any longer you’ll end up having parent/teacher conferences in the geriatric ward? Do you wonder if conventional notions of families are keeping you from the joys of child-rearing? Do you … Continue reading

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To Do Item #34: Birth Child

The other day I had to talk a friend off the ledge over her fears that she can’t get pregnant without spending a certified per-owned Honda Civic on in vitro fertilization. It’s only in western countries that people believe you … Continue reading

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