Spiders, Natural Disasters and Male Comics
Hurricane, earthquake, and I found ANOTHER BLACK SPIDER in my apartment. It was in my laundry, somewhere on the sheets that were once ON MY BED. The last spider I saw – same size, shape and color – came crawling out of my PILLOW. Yes, I know about the myth that we eat a pound of spiders in our lifetime, but according to my sometime friend The Internet, that is not true. Still I don’t want to sleep with them. This is the stuff of nightmares…
As if we don’t have enough to worry about with hurricanes, earthquakes, fires, guns and, as I learned today, an increase in close calls in flight collision incidents.
I don’t want to be “negative” but things in this country seem…not good? I say “in this country” because Europe has little to no gun violence, universal health care and gives their air traffic controllers two weeks off to go to a wellness spa. But Europe is still part of the planet which is literally and figuratively on fire.
So the occasional meltdown is not unwarranted. I don’t know what is going on in the world or how to help, but trudging forward like everyone else, because what else am I going to do? The other night I performed in a show the other night at the Westside Comedy Theater, which is located in Santa Monica and one of my favorite comedy venues.
The audiences can consist of tourists and so are not totally predictable as a demographic. This audience was quiet or, as one of the comics put it, “not very generous.” They petered out quickly. It was like a faucet that gushes and then stops. I could never rest easy in the cradle of their approval as I hovered on the brink of silence: the enemy. I made it through without panicking but not what I would call a great time.
However, as a comic told me once when I first began several decades ago, the “bad sets” are better for you than the good ones. The good ones are fun, the tough ones keep you living in the mystery of the unconquerable. In other words, failure keeps you plodding on, while success leads to complacency. To be honest, I could get into some chill complacency.
After my set, I watched the mostly male comics perform.
Several older (my age) male white comics performed what we in the biz call “crowd work.” Crowd work is when a standup comic talks to people in the audience. Instagram and Tik Tok are full of super boring crowd work videos. I don’t find them interesting. Writing a joke is so much harder.
More often than not, crowd work looks like a male comic honing in on a unsuspecting couple seated in the first few rows and consists of the following exchange:
“So how long have you two been dating?”
“A few months…”
“Have you boned, yet?”
They may not use the word “bone,” as the English language is rich words for this particular activity. I have seen a similar conversation play out hundreds of time and they all lead to THE BIG QUESTION. It’s meant to humiliate the couple, but mostly the woman. The audience will predictably laugh because male comics love shock and crossing boundaries. Which makes sense for an 18-year-old, but a middle-aged man asking young couples if they did the deed…um, a little creepy.
One of the comics later complained that he “can’t talk about anything” anymore. “Anything” refers to something sexist or racist or “too soon-ish.” He told a joke about the Hawaii fire and used this argument when the audience stared at him in silence. I will grant that joking about tragedy can release stress, but if the audience isn’t on board you can’t blame them. But he did, because again there is a whole generation of white male comics (we’re talking old people), who are mad that the train left the station. Obviously this is happening all over the world as it becomes less white and heterosexual. But comics pride themselves on being oracles of truth…which I guess they are, so long as it is their truth.
I used to blog about men in comedy before I realized the painfully obvious fact that many suffer from deep insecurity and a lack of self awareness and/or self-esteem. Women comics also struggle with self-esteem and insecurity. But the difference is that insecurity in women is the basis of our economy. It drives the sale of products, treatments, clothes and leads to women performing 50% more domestic labor. But the difference between female comics and plain females is that female comics have a creative outlet.
Anyway, male comics, like the spiders in my apartment or the hurricane/earthquakes are not going away. I just have to find a way to live with them.