Comic, Playwright, Non-Essential Artist

Dating

Trader Joe’s Encounter

Today, while I was walking around Trader Joe’s in search of Stevia, a guy approached me and said, “I know this is crazy, but you’re really beautiful and I was wondering if you’d like to have coffee with me.” Of course, I had just come from yoga (where I had sweated like a dog) and was wearing my booty-flab revealing yoga pants (it must have been the way my mascara was running down my face or that yoga room must). Naturally, I was so overwhelmed by the positive attention and the sincerity that I did the thing people with negative self-images do when presented with a contrary perspective….I lied.

“Thank you so very much, but I’m in a relationship.”

Then I beat the hell out of the frozen food section like a bank robber looking for her get away car. I took a breather in the wine aisle to take stock of the Pinot, as well as my moral character. Giving guys false phone numbers was funny for about five minutes in college, but I’m 35 and overly-single! What’s my problema?! He wasn’t a bad looking guy and, I had to admit, I admired his courage and forthrightness. Was it really that I was afraid that the eggs would go bad in the trunk while I met the guy for coffee (really, I can spare another $1.50)? Or, that it would throw off my Saturday afternoon Target run (I did need new sponges for my Sunday cleaning blowout)…? No, the truth is that I am a coward and (when pressed) a damn good liar. But maybe I’m being too hard on myself, I thought. This gel form easily gets dissolved in the cheapest viagra australia appalachianmagazine.com body. Based viagra 100mg sales on clinical studies, this is proven safe and effective for all men who want to know more about ED. 1. Diabetes patients carry a probability of losing neural function towards the nervousness on the hip and legs, a complaint identified as http://appalachianmagazine.com/2016/10/27/kentucky-police-arrest-church-treasurer/ cialis 10 mg peripheral neuropathy. Quantity: The order cialis canada medication has three forms available as 25mg, 50mg and 100mg. Maybe I should go back and tell him the truth…perhaps this is my big chance? At this point, he reappeared. I must have been wearing an intense, “Are you stalking me?” expression, because he immediately said:

“I’m not following you, but I just wanted to say that whoever you’re with is a lucky guy.”

“Thank you,” I responded (with my head drooped down over my frozen chow mein), and proceeded to book it to the check out counter. I should have said, “He’s not that lucky…not only is he imaginary, but he’s dating a liar!”

I told my friend about the experience tonight and he concurred that I should have gone for it. He suggested, claiming that people’s shopping habits are usually ritualized, that I go back next Saturday and wander the aisles casually until I see him. If I don’t, he suggested I put up a sign, “Yoga Pants Lady In Search of Coffee Guy.”

The shame of my own duplicity and wimpiness is, to say the least, humbling. Did I blow my chance of happiness and love at Trader Joe’s? Who knows…if I didn’t meet my soul mate, I did get to meet my own cowardice head on.

Just for today, I am humbled.

7 thoughts on “Trader Joe’s Encounter

  • Even though you did not taken him up for coffee, I think it’s very cool to have been asked.
    For me I think I look best after yoga. I guess I need to work on the Trader Joes portion of my work out.

  • Sweat + Trader Joe’s = Coffee date with stranger…hey, whatever works!

  • Perhaps I will try going into warrior 3 while picking fruits and vegitables.

  • I agree that you should have gone for it. After all, what do you lose? A couple hours (and you rip your pants crawling out the bathroom window). But you get coffee! Mmmmmmmm.

  • I agree my choice was lame. Am still recovering from many bad dates. Thanks for reminding me about the bathroom window.

  • I thought “she came in through the bathroom window”.

  • Haha….guess it works both ways(thank God).

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