NotOKCupid

“It was really nice to meet you, too,” I say.

I open my arms wide.  I think I’m communicating the universal sign for ‘Hug.’  I’m a Hugger.

I lean in for a Long Distance Hug (head and arm as far apart as possible) when suddenly, a mouth comes towards me.   I dodge it, but it’s coming…headed right at me.   I stick my hand out like a ‘Stop’ signal.

“Text me sometime!” I say as I race to my car.

CAN WE APPROPRIATELY CALL THIS “AWKWARD?”

I’ll never hear from him again.  I feel bad.  He feels humiliated.  It’s all over.  A pleasant conversation ruined by missed signals.  He didn’t get the “I like you, but we’re not going there” memo.  He is clueless. He is a man.

I never really wanted to partake in Online Dating, but it’s all the rage with the kids these days…and by “kids,” I mean people in their 40’s.  I’ve worked in digital mediums for 16 years, I’ve had this blog for 9 years, and I love the Internet. That said, I can’t make the online dating thing work.

“If there’s no chemistry, you make a run for it,” said a friend.

Basically, if I’m not interested in having a tongue in my mouth within the hour, I need to have my phone ring with a faked emergency or find a window in the bathroom.  It’s 2012 and everyone wants nookie and they want it NOW!

After delivering several more Heisman trophies I’ve decided that I need to meet people in the Real World.  In RL you can reject someone before any damage is done.

For the record, I’m not saying I’m all that great. I’m 40. Somehow, mouths coming at me doesn’t make me feel desirable.  Now I know how that last bits of Trader Joe’s chips feel like when I make my 2:00 AM hunger pangs strike…WHAT AM I?  A BUNCH OF LEFTOVER CHIPS?!

“That’s how it is in America,” said my Japanese friend.  “You guys are so fast. It’s crazy.”  Maybe I’m Japanese.

Just for today, I don’t think Internet Dating isn’t for me.

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